Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Plan B is the new Plan A
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
