Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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