I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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