At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
