Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
