"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize