First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
