Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
