Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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