Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
