If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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