After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
