your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize