You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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