One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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