Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize