you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
