Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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