So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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