she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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