So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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