After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize