Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I pour the whiskey from now on
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
