There is no way he is gay with that hair.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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