dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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