ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
