I wish I only lived at night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
