He asked to "fluff my boner.."
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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