it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
