I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
