grandma shit on top of the toilet
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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