the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize