I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
