I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
