Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
