true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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