I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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