why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
