Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
