I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
