My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would fuck him just for his dog
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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