YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
