I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
