my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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