Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dignity is for republicans.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
