Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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