we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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