My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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