She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
