Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
