jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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