i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
