literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
