sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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