It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
