No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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