Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I only lived at night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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