dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
