I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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