And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
