3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
