Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
