I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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