I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We talked him into tasing himself.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
