My liver just broke up with me...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
