STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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