I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
