I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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