This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Randomize
