i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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