I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize