If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
