I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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