We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize