I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
