Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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