Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
