Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
