Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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