I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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