Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
