You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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