i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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