Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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