Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
