Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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