I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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