you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Holy sore nipples Batman
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
