He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
