Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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